movie review- freebie

well I'll just premise this by saying why i chose this movie seeing how I've been on a RSL craze lately it doesn't make much sense does it? well it speaks to me.

i mean see this: last night i tried helping a friend of mine "get with" my ex while fending off my ex best friend who i didn't want her to meet (although i did make that happen about in the middle of the duration of the relationship) and so relationships or on my mind again, and also i just find the movie has a god awful idea at it's core so i want to talk about it.
I'll also add that i really really hate Dax Shepard, i don't know if it's his face, Punk'd or Employee Of The Month, but just as an actor i really don't like him, so excuse me if I'm brutal.

So the break down of this movie is simple, we have the couple, they are in a non intimate loving relationship an come to realize that they are to young to stop wanting other people, they choose a night to both get laid, and they do.

the whole conflict of the story, at the base of it, is: can they trust one another and can they have their loving joyous relationship and have sexual partners on the side, openly? well that's what you'd expect.
but the story has a few twists, and i say no way do they stay honest and happy together. we see both of them finding someone to be with and we see it happening and we assume that it happened, we see that they did. after that they are both full of malice and distrust and so much anger and to fix it, instead of the way they should've in the beginning openly and honestly and with a unity to stay together they lie, or at least it seems they do, and sense the whole movie is about lying and facing things without a real notion of truthfulness the ending does not present a happy ever after scenario, in fact it's a literary open ending, the conflict is not solved and so we each choose what we believe to happen or believe is comforting without guidance other than how we are.

so here are my two endings:
1. they decide to try and openly work it out, there is hate and hurt but they eventually tell the truth and there's heart brake but they work through it to a semi functioning marriage which exists with the pain but also with new trust and love-lust.
2. they keep deceiving they are blissed out on each other for a few weeks and then it blows up in their faces and they brake up.

and that's it, the review went "meh-ish" but I'm summing the movie up with a 3 star on my list, i don't like it but it does have some thought provoking points, the acting did fit the idea but i still hate Dex and it's back to my Robert Sean Leonard marathon (re-screening of swing kids, dead poets society, house episodes and a few new movies...)
have a great weekend world :D 

the end of venting

why I'm writing this? well i can't and won't say it to her, I've been pining over her and I've been mad and sad and alone and voiceless, and this is my voice where i have freedom to have it heard, i know that writing it where she won't find it is contraindicated seeing as it's addressed to her, but her knowing what i ave to say won't change a thing, it's not about her and it's not really meant for her, it's so that i don't have it floating in my head i.e. venting :D

so here is the problem, you blamed me, you broke up with me, and i loved you so much that i tried getting you to take me back, and i was right, but the anger that had built up wouldn't let me just go back, so it fluxed back into the shape you chose, and then you blamed me.

even after you blamed me you wanted us to be friends, you said we were "best friends for a couple months" and we were close but the way we were was wrong you kept acting as if i owed you something or as if you owned me, you strangled me in your bubble and wouldn't let me move on.

for so long i struggled with what you said, that it was my fault, that we were close, that you owned me, and i knew it was wrong then and it's still wrong and now i finally find myself wanting to move on because i have a right to find someone that makes me happy, or not even to find but to at least know that there is and be willing to search and willing to except if i find someone.

I'm sick of being mad, of seeing you and be flooded with these feelings of hate, and I'm sick of you being the only person of which i have memories of connection and joy and togetherness.

i deserve better than how you treated me, i deserve better than how you were to me and how you payed with me, i deserve people better than you, and I'm sick and tired of ever knowing you.

you were my first love, and now you will be the first person i will ever forget, the first person who's face means nothing and whose emotions and mental capacity are squat, i hope you have a good life and i hope you get what you deserve and i sincerely hope you grow out of playing with people, they deserve a better side of you, and i did and now you're gone forever, bye.

What'll fix me (?)

(this is the first post written specifically in this blog)
So yeah, the topic is very simple: "what will fix me", so that you can fully see what i mean by that I'll take you back to why i consider myself broken (at least the relevant parts).

I am and always have been some what isolated, but in my time i have met six people i have felt i could talk to, freely, without worry. Two of them where my best friends Jimmy and Gil, two others were my last and only ex: Nataly. The thing is about these connections is that they are destructive, at the end of the day the people i connect to this way are ville an hurtful and if it weren't for the ease of the connection i would've never even let them get close.
I am broken because the only people i let close hurt me, because she played with and stomped on my heart, because he is boozy and a stone-er that i needed to make excuses for, who's mess i cleaned up and who i had to take care of, because when ever i felt good about anything in my life he'd make it seems middle and useless.
So yeah,I'm broken because I'm alone and i alienate people and one of the only people i ever let close, the only girl i ever loved, kicked my heart and twisted me in notts and made me feel like it was all my fault, and i have yet to find a way to fix the scars.

what will fix me:
every time in my life when i was in trouble I'd find something to focus on and it would guide me through, my skating, sports, music, school, friends, etc'. but the thing is, i still love her, I've said it before, i love the girl i knew and i love the way we were, but that's not Nataly and I'm not who i was, but i think the only thing that would make it all ok again, is hugging her like we did (only once -.-') and sleeping in her arms and hearing her tell me it'll be ok, because even though i don't believe good things happen to good people, they will with her.
So i have a few choices: just hope things will work out eventually, try to off myself(again...not gonna happen), fix things with her (yeah, i don't think so) or rebound and maybe try to find a new connection.

I honestly can't think of anything to fix me, not saying that I'm beyond repair or that I'm giving up, but i don't see how a social out cast like me gets out of this. so i started working with new media to maybe find people who can relate or help, but that'll take some time, so i guess I'll go back to the same tactic i had when i met Nataly (a little bit of crazy mixed in with people i have yet to really know) and hope that some one will find me interesting.

as always DFTBA and best wishes :D

This Home

This home is not a safe one, and by definition not a home, this is a place of anger and yelling and pain and then of hate and silence and misery in discomfort.

A home is supposed to be a place for comfort, and shelter and united morals meant to better the environment, but this one is not. It the place we are supposed to fall back on when the rest of the world is crumbling, but instead it is just as decayed and destroyed and foul as any soiled corner of every street in any slum, it is only here until we have the resources to get out of here, and every waking minute I'm here I wish I weren't.

love, lose, belated needs

Today, like so many others I needed the girl I love to be there for me, but she doesn't exist anymore, at least not where I know to look…you see even when the people you love move on or fade out or leave or change you still love them, it's just that the people you associated them with aren't the same anymore. Some weeks ago the girl I loved for so long left me, and then she came back and stepped on my heart until I couldn't take it anymore, so there is an absolute radio silence, and the f-ed up thing is that I still love the girl I did before, I just love someone I haven't met yet, and might never get to, the girl that left me isn't the girl I love, and I am not the boy that loved her, but those people still exist somewhere else in the universe, and I owe it to myself to be the very best version of myself so that when I meet the people I should be around I am worth their sticking around, to find someone you love you've got to be someone you love…

so many people are dead

For most of us this is a just a day, for some this is a day like no other.

A lot of the people I admire are those who in the face of life's pains found a way to with hold the immensity and take over their fears and doubts, the people that let the tide take them to fortune without changing who they are or their definition of good and bad.

The problem with life is not that the end result is know, you die…but the point is to enjoy what you do have, to help others when you can, and to inspire goodness by example and by leadership at times and retreat when necessary. My problem with life is that while we are alive so many bad things happen and so many hurtful and spiteful moments and people arise, it seems incredible to me that so many people mange to fight past it, I have seen death and tragedy and blind hate, and an array of ways to face them, but the grace it takes to hold your head up high, every day, knowing what you've lost  and live your life when you have seen the amount of people who are no longer offered the opportunity to do so.