(this is the first post written specifically in this blog)
So yeah, the topic is very simple: "what will fix me", so that you can fully see what i mean by that I'll take you back to why i consider myself broken (at least the relevant parts).
I am and always have been some what isolated, but in my time i have met six people i have felt i could talk to, freely, without worry. Two of them where my best friends Jimmy and Gil, two others were my last and only ex: Nataly. The thing is about these connections is that they are destructive, at the end of the day the people i connect to this way are ville an hurtful and if it weren't for the ease of the connection i would've never even let them get close.
I am broken because the only people i let close hurt me, because she played with and stomped on my heart, because he is boozy and a stone-er that i needed to make excuses for, who's mess i cleaned up and who i had to take care of, because when ever i felt good about anything in my life he'd make it seems middle and useless.
So yeah,I'm broken because I'm alone and i alienate people and one of the only people i ever let close, the only girl i ever loved, kicked my heart and twisted me in notts and made me feel like it was all my fault, and i have yet to find a way to fix the scars.
what will fix me:
every time in my life when i was in trouble I'd find something to focus on and it would guide me through, my skating, sports, music, school, friends, etc'. but the thing is, i still love her, I've said it before, i love the girl i knew and i love the way we were, but that's not Nataly and I'm not who i was, but i think the only thing that would make it all ok again, is hugging her like we did (only once -.-') and sleeping in her arms and hearing her tell me it'll be ok, because even though i don't believe good things happen to good people, they will with her.
So i have a few choices: just hope things will work out eventually, try to off myself(again...not gonna happen), fix things with her (yeah, i don't think so) or rebound and maybe try to find a new connection.
I honestly can't think of anything to fix me, not saying that I'm beyond repair or that I'm giving up, but i don't see how a social out cast like me gets out of this. so i started working with new media to maybe find people who can relate or help, but that'll take some time, so i guess I'll go back to the same tactic i had when i met Nataly (a little bit of crazy mixed in with people i have yet to really know) and hope that some one will find me interesting.
as always DFTBA and best wishes :D
So yeah, the topic is very simple: "what will fix me", so that you can fully see what i mean by that I'll take you back to why i consider myself broken (at least the relevant parts).
I am and always have been some what isolated, but in my time i have met six people i have felt i could talk to, freely, without worry. Two of them where my best friends Jimmy and Gil, two others were my last and only ex: Nataly. The thing is about these connections is that they are destructive, at the end of the day the people i connect to this way are ville an hurtful and if it weren't for the ease of the connection i would've never even let them get close.
I am broken because the only people i let close hurt me, because she played with and stomped on my heart, because he is boozy and a stone-er that i needed to make excuses for, who's mess i cleaned up and who i had to take care of, because when ever i felt good about anything in my life he'd make it seems middle and useless.
So yeah,I'm broken because I'm alone and i alienate people and one of the only people i ever let close, the only girl i ever loved, kicked my heart and twisted me in notts and made me feel like it was all my fault, and i have yet to find a way to fix the scars.
what will fix me:
every time in my life when i was in trouble I'd find something to focus on and it would guide me through, my skating, sports, music, school, friends, etc'. but the thing is, i still love her, I've said it before, i love the girl i knew and i love the way we were, but that's not Nataly and I'm not who i was, but i think the only thing that would make it all ok again, is hugging her like we did (only once -.-') and sleeping in her arms and hearing her tell me it'll be ok, because even though i don't believe good things happen to good people, they will with her.
So i have a few choices: just hope things will work out eventually, try to off myself(again...not gonna happen), fix things with her (yeah, i don't think so) or rebound and maybe try to find a new connection.
I honestly can't think of anything to fix me, not saying that I'm beyond repair or that I'm giving up, but i don't see how a social out cast like me gets out of this. so i started working with new media to maybe find people who can relate or help, but that'll take some time, so i guess I'll go back to the same tactic i had when i met Nataly (a little bit of crazy mixed in with people i have yet to really know) and hope that some one will find me interesting.
as always DFTBA and best wishes :D
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