why I'm writing this? well i can't and won't say it to her, I've been pining over her and I've been mad and sad and alone and voiceless, and this is my voice where i have freedom to have it heard, i know that writing it where she won't find it is contraindicated seeing as it's addressed to her, but her knowing what i ave to say won't change a thing, it's not about her and it's not really meant for her, it's so that i don't have it floating in my head i.e. venting :D
so here is the problem, you blamed me, you broke up with me, and i loved you so much that i tried getting you to take me back, and i was right, but the anger that had built up wouldn't let me just go back, so it fluxed back into the shape you chose, and then you blamed me.
even after you blamed me you wanted us to be friends, you said we were "best friends for a couple months" and we were close but the way we were was wrong you kept acting as if i owed you something or as if you owned me, you strangled me in your bubble and wouldn't let me move on.
for so long i struggled with what you said, that it was my fault, that we were close, that you owned me, and i knew it was wrong then and it's still wrong and now i finally find myself wanting to move on because i have a right to find someone that makes me happy, or not even to find but to at least know that there is and be willing to search and willing to except if i find someone.
I'm sick of being mad, of seeing you and be flooded with these feelings of hate, and I'm sick of you being the only person of which i have memories of connection and joy and togetherness.
i deserve better than how you treated me, i deserve better than how you were to me and how you payed with me, i deserve people better than you, and I'm sick and tired of ever knowing you.
you were my first love, and now you will be the first person i will ever forget, the first person who's face means nothing and whose emotions and mental capacity are squat, i hope you have a good life and i hope you get what you deserve and i sincerely hope you grow out of playing with people, they deserve a better side of you, and i did and now you're gone forever, bye.
so here is the problem, you blamed me, you broke up with me, and i loved you so much that i tried getting you to take me back, and i was right, but the anger that had built up wouldn't let me just go back, so it fluxed back into the shape you chose, and then you blamed me.
even after you blamed me you wanted us to be friends, you said we were "best friends for a couple months" and we were close but the way we were was wrong you kept acting as if i owed you something or as if you owned me, you strangled me in your bubble and wouldn't let me move on.
for so long i struggled with what you said, that it was my fault, that we were close, that you owned me, and i knew it was wrong then and it's still wrong and now i finally find myself wanting to move on because i have a right to find someone that makes me happy, or not even to find but to at least know that there is and be willing to search and willing to except if i find someone.
I'm sick of being mad, of seeing you and be flooded with these feelings of hate, and I'm sick of you being the only person of which i have memories of connection and joy and togetherness.
i deserve better than how you treated me, i deserve better than how you were to me and how you payed with me, i deserve people better than you, and I'm sick and tired of ever knowing you.
you were my first love, and now you will be the first person i will ever forget, the first person who's face means nothing and whose emotions and mental capacity are squat, i hope you have a good life and i hope you get what you deserve and i sincerely hope you grow out of playing with people, they deserve a better side of you, and i did and now you're gone forever, bye.
אין תגובות:
הוסף רשומת תגובה