you don't get to be dieing! I'm very competitive and i can't let you be dieing faster than me so you don't get to win you have to get better, now!
יום חמישי, 10 במרץ 2011
יום שלישי, 8 במרץ 2011
Shelter
people seem to think a lot of things, but mostly i don't know what they think, mostly i just guess as to what i think they stereotypically think.
for example, as much as i hate it when people assume that all/most guys are slutty i hate it when girls think that because I'm a guy, or because I'm this guy (e.g. the way i look, the way i talk, what i talk about, the way i stand) that i am *something*.
a lot of the time i guess what people would say if i told them *something* and it's not because I'm afraid what they'll think of me, it's because if i tell people the blunt truth and they accept it then i am responsible for a chain of events that probably wouldn't have happened otherwise.
so i shelter people, i don't tell them what i think, or what i know to be true, i don't tell them the grim past or the dim future and i constantly belittle myself so that they can't assume I'm hiding something.
i talk fast and in a quite voice, i hunch and i stammer and i always try to be a beta-person.
and yes evidently and progressively these things became a habit and a constant, and I'm mostly ok with that (except the hunch, i hate the hunch) but sometimes i feel like people see me for a second, and they freak out, or they seem to, so i play crazy or just walk away without ever being the me i am to me.
so i make the epic mistake the Beatles told the world about, I'm the fool who plays it cool by making my world a colder place, and i sometimes see that and hate me for it, so i listen to P!nk and change the voices in my head and make them like me instead (but then how is it that i still sometimes chart my day by exposure levels to H.E.R?)
anyways i should stop fugging procrastinating and actually do something today...kbye :D
for example, as much as i hate it when people assume that all/most guys are slutty i hate it when girls think that because I'm a guy, or because I'm this guy (e.g. the way i look, the way i talk, what i talk about, the way i stand) that i am *something*.
a lot of the time i guess what people would say if i told them *something* and it's not because I'm afraid what they'll think of me, it's because if i tell people the blunt truth and they accept it then i am responsible for a chain of events that probably wouldn't have happened otherwise.
so i shelter people, i don't tell them what i think, or what i know to be true, i don't tell them the grim past or the dim future and i constantly belittle myself so that they can't assume I'm hiding something.
i talk fast and in a quite voice, i hunch and i stammer and i always try to be a beta-person.
and yes evidently and progressively these things became a habit and a constant, and I'm mostly ok with that (except the hunch, i hate the hunch) but sometimes i feel like people see me for a second, and they freak out, or they seem to, so i play crazy or just walk away without ever being the me i am to me.
so i make the epic mistake the Beatles told the world about, I'm the fool who plays it cool by making my world a colder place, and i sometimes see that and hate me for it, so i listen to P!nk and change the voices in my head and make them like me instead (but then how is it that i still sometimes chart my day by exposure levels to H.E.R?)
anyways i should stop fugging procrastinating and actually do something today...kbye :D
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